Blonde Jokes

2009-07-31T17:10:00.001-07:00

There was a blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk. the brunette says "Hey look a dead bird." The blonde looked up and says "Where,where?"

2009-07-31T17:03:00.001-07:00

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

2009-07-31T17:01:00.001-07:00

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are sipping tea and discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette says, "My baby's going to be a boy." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The brunette says, "Because when we did it, my husband was on top."

The red head then says, "My baby's going to be a girl." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The red head says, "Because when we did it, I was on top."

The blonde starts crying hysterically. When her friends finally calm her down, they ask her why she was crying. The blonde says, "My baby's going to be a puppy."

2009-07-31T16:57:00.001-07:00

Q - What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???

A - Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!

2009-07-31T16:56:00.001-07:00

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

2009-07-31T16:53:00.001-07:00

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."

The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

2009-07-31T16:52:00.001-07:00

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

2009-07-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"

2009-07-31T16:48:00.001-07:00

There were three construction workers, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. One day when they were eating lunch, the red head said, "I hope I don't get a turkey sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a turkey sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another turkey sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the brunette opens his lunch and says,"I hope I don't get a roast beef sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a roast beef sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another roast beef sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the blonde opens up his lunch and says, "I hope I don't get a cheese sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a cheese sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another cheese sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Thh next day, they were all sitting on the top floor of the building they were working on and the red head opens up his lunch, looks at his sandwich and says, "Whew, I have roast beef, I don't have to kill myself." Then the brunette opens his lunch and looks at his sandwich and says, "Whew, I have a turkey sandwich, I don't have to kill myself." Then the blonde opens up his lunch, looks at his sandwich and says, "Oh man, I have a cheese sandwich. i Have to kill my self." And with that, he jumps off the building and dies. The brunette says to the redhead, "Man, i feel sorry for him." The redhead's response was "I don't, he packs his own lunch."

2009-07-31T16:46:00.001-07:00

Q - What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A - Pull the pin and through it right back.

2009-07-31T16:45:00.001-07:00

There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. And the terrorist is like...oh just a cat...then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes roof roof...and the terrorist says...it's just a stupid dog. Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-31T16:44:00.001-07:00

Q: Why does a blonde write TGIF on the inside of her shoes?

A: To remind her that Toes Go In First.

2009-07-31T16:43:00.001-07:00

A blonde and a brunette are driving in a car down a freeway.

The brunette sees a police car in the rear view mirror.

She asks the blonde to turn around and see if the police cars' lights are on.

The blonde turns around and replys "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

2009-07-31T16:40:00.001-07:00

This blond was driving on the highway and there was a trucker in front of her. She had to get into the lane that the trucker was in and she cut him off. The trucker decided she had been on the highway to long and told her to pull off to the side. The blond did this and waited until the trucker got out of his truck. He got out of his truck carrying his pocket knife. He told her to get out of her car and she did this. He ran back to his truck and grabbed a piece of chalk. Then he drew a circle and told her to stay in it. He got into her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around and looked at the blond she was laughing. He was furious, so he turned took his knife and cut out the seat belts and all the wires. Then he turned around and again the blond was laughing. Now the trucker was more furious than ever. He took his knife and slashed all her tires. When he turned around the blond was laying on the ground laughing very hard. Finally he just said. "Why do you keep laughing when I turn around?", his face bright red from anger. Through big gasps of air from laughing she said. "Everytime you turn around I stepped outside of the circle."

2009-07-31T16:37:00.001-07:00

A blonde walked up to a coke machine, put in a dollar, and got out a coke. She then put in another dollar, and got another coke. Again and again, she put in more and more dollars and got out more and more cokes.

As she was doing this, a man came and stood behind her. he tapped her on her shoulder, and said "What on earth are you doing?"

She replied angrily " Shut up! Cant you see im winning?!"

2009-07-31T16:28:00.000-07:00

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my daughter drinks."
Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room, and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes."
Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis"

2009-07-31T16:26:00.000-07:00

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention".

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!